It’s the middle of June. I’m sitting in a coffee shop. I’m slightly irritated that one of my ear phones isn’t working properly. I’m attending my first wedding as an “adult” on Saturday. I leave to work Firefly on Tuesday. It has been a little over a month since myself and a few of my friends have graduated college.
Do I have my life together just yet? No.
Do some of my friends have their life together? Yes.
This transitional phase for all of us has definitely more reflective and actually quite sad. I have a friend named Tiffany. Tiffany is this awesome girl who found herself a full time job days after graduation and is moving…to North Carolina. Granted North Carolina isn’t that far away from Virginia but it is still out of state. The past month I’ve tagged along on her journey from interviewing for this job to moving into her first “real” apartment.
During the mini road trips I’ve taken to North Carolina with her, we’ve been thinking a lot about how life will be now. My friends and I are slowly “growing up” and going in our various paths. We’re all on the track to either grad school or finding full time jobs. This concept is hard for us to grasp because for the first time in essentially in two years I can’t see these friends everyday. I can’t call them at 1am and ask them to go to Cookout with me, or barge into their apartment when I need to rant about my problems.
Growing up is hard to do. I’m trying to convince myself that we can’t be becoming adults just yet. I’m just 21 years old (young). As I think of the next few months of my life, I honestly don’t know where I’m going to end up. Will I soon find a full time job? Will I have to move away? Can I make it in the music industry? These questions I can’t stop thinking about since May 8, 2015.
For the most part I consider myself an optimist. I try not to limit myself in what I’m capable of. I honestly do believe that something is coming. A change of pace. A new spark of inspiration. Something that’s going to propel me into the next step. I think what worries me the most is when it’ll happen. I’m not convinced that working a full time 9-5 job is for me. I am convinced that I only want to pursue things I’m passionate about. If there’s no passion behind what I’m doing, then I don’t want it.
Last week when I was driving with Tiffany and Toby to NC, Toby asked us if we would rather live a life doing what we loved to do barely getting by, or doing a job you don’t love but living comfortably. Without hesitation, I picked the first option. I want to believe that if you’re doing what you love, then everything will fall into place.
That belief is what I think I’ll hold onto for a while. Eventually I’ll find my purpose. Of course, I’m ecstatic and so happy for my friends. They’re all going to be great, I can feel it. My twin, Nicole, even got into graduate school last week and I found myself crying when she told me because I know how hard she worked for it. Outside of my friends, my older brother and his fiancée just moved into their first home, my younger brother just got his first job. It’s almost like I’m watching everything in slow motion as my friends and family move onto these great things. Then there’s me just watching and waiting.
I refuse to let this new “phase” hinder these relationships that mean so much to me. These are some of the best people I’ve ever met. Pretty soon I’ll be used to this. Seeing friends, family every few months. The phrase “let’s catch up” may be more and more common. I do realize that we are moving on into a new “phase.” As sad I am that these changes are occurring, I have to happy about it. Because there will be so much to look forward to.
This to SQUAAD 💯, Nik, Jess, Jordan & Nicole. Here’s to you.