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Take the Odds, I’ll Keep On Dreaming

It’s the last day of 2019 and also the last day of the decade…WILD.

The past month or so I’ve seen numerous people reflect on the decade, showing pictures from 2009 & 2019 and how much they’ve changed or grown. When I think about the decade in that perspective, it’s so interesting and a tad overwhelming.

When I think of 2009, I think of junior year of high school. A trying time for me at 16. I didn’t make the varsity field hockey team, I had very few friends, I still didn’t feel like quite myself and tried to fit in with various groups, I immersed myself in my art & fashion marketing classes, and spent my free time watching movies.

Homecoming Fall ’09…what a glorious field hockey tan that is

When I think of 2019, I think of my first full year in Los Angeles. I’m 26, with a full time job in music, living across the country and every sense of comfort that I knew is gone. I’m exploring a new city through concerts, food, and art museums and figuring out how to make this place a home.

Downtown Los Angeles, March 2019 by Jenny Desrosiers

The parallels of those two are so profound to me. In recent years, whenever I feel down or doubt myself, I try to remind myself of how proud 16 year old Amira would be. I’m doing things I dreamed of and things I didn’t even think I could do because I hadn’t dreamed that big. I’ve been to more concerts than I can count. I worked at my favorite concert venue straight out of college. I manifested a job in LA and moved across the country in three weeks. I’ve booked shows and worked with some of my favorite artists. SO MUCH! I grew from a teenage gal, to an adult figuring out her path in the world.

With the new year approaching, I just hope to keep on going.

To do more.

To create more.

To be more.

The past ten years was filled with graduations, indie films, college, new friends, love/loss, an emo phase, concerts, post-grad existential crises, an ongoing curly hair journey, lots of coffee, new travels, my Jeep breaking down too many times, depression, anxiety, acceptance, self-care, and everything in between.

As I take the time to focus on my goals for 2020, I strive to push myself more. I feel that 2019 was more so the year that things aligned. While some significant things did occur, its as though they were just the precedent for what’s to come in 2020. I’m adamant on creating a vision board and manifesting some big dreams. While I’m back in Virginia for a few more days I’ll continue to reflect get inspriation for what’s to come.

You can take the odds, I’ll keep on dreaming.


A Start

Hi. Happy New Year? Even though it’s February… I’m not sure where this will go, but I figured I would start writing. I just needed to do something. I want to create some goals. Things to work on that’ll overall improve my happiness. I want to get better. Trying to figure out these goals has proven a bit difficult. At times I can be indecisive, so narrowing specific things down in this situation is quite hard. I have ideas of what I’d like to do…but I’ve hit a wall when it comes to actually executing them.

“And I wonder… do you know what it means… to find your dreams”

Scrolling on Twitter had me stumble across this

I wonder and I’m searching for inspiration. I know I want to create. I want to convey. I want to influence.  I’m trying to start over each day.  With the start of the new year, it’s clockwork for people to announce their resolution or goals. I did have a list last year, but I’m struggling to compose one for 2019. I almost still feel like I’m in 2018. Lagging behind, trying to figure out where to go next. Granted, at this same time last year my room was covered with lists and drawings and “where you do you want to see yourself in a year” handouts. This time around, it feels like I’m tying up loose ends from last year. The concepts of letting go and moving on are two of the most challenging things I’m dealing with lately. I had a two-week trip back to VA over the holidays, and it helped put some things in perspective for me. The time home was much needed and being around my family and friends just made my heart warm. I hit the 6 month mark of being in L.A. a couple weeks ago and that is still so wild to me. A place, a city I now live in still feels so foreign to me. Again, I know it’ll take time to adjust but moving across the country by yourself is so tough. Starting over, or finding a new start is one I know I needed, but its impact has hit me hard. Now, I know deep down better days are ahead and things won’t seem as dim as they do now so I have to power on. I try to show up everyday as best I can.

So here’s to a start.

More content & a new look to the site coming soon.

More things to look forward to soon.

Lastly, some music that’s been on my mind.



La La Land

Some quick numbers for ya:

2,348 miles away from home. 4 concerts attended. 2 festivals worked. 30+ Lyft rides taken.

1 new full time job. 2 new roommates.

So, it’s been a little over a month since I moved to L.A. and…it’s been A LOT. Arguably, the most drastic thing I’ve done so far, I am definitely feeling all the emotions that happen in a change like this. I’ve had this idea of moving to California for a couple years now. It all started when I first flew out to Cali to work Coachella in 2016. Working in the music industry, the top locations to be in are either New York or Los Angeles. Having been to New York a few times, I decided that it’s a place I’d visit but not want to live in. Having never been to L.A. up until this year, I had this idea of what’d it be like. Wanting to grow in music, I figured taking this leap would only help progress this budding career of mine. There’s sooo much to this city that it’s overwhelming. I started this thing where whenever something out of my norm happens here, I text my friends:

L.A. different…

shoutout to La La Land

It has a lot of truth to it though! (I could go on a rant about Bird Scooters). Just in this small amount of time, I’ve gotten a peak as to why people move here, why people move out of here, and a bit of everything in between. I’m thankful to have found a sublease situation with a friend of mine a few days after I got my job offer. Still getting used to this new city and neighborhood, I’m slowly adjusting. Last week I went on my first run around the neighborhood and didn’t clench my pepper spray the whole time (talk about progress!). It’s the little things like this that are starting to happen. Knowing how I am, I know settling in will take some time. There have been so many thoughts of, “was this the right decision?”, “do I want to move back home?” ,”what if I don’t like it here?” running through my head. With that being said, it’s no surprise my anxiety has been all over the place (thank you to those who let me vent on a daily basis). Somehow though, I’m still waking up each day and choosing to continue on this journey. As difficult it may be, I’m pushing through. I do feel proud in that sense. Back home I felt so stagnant in my situation that I daydreamed of how things could be different. Wondered what’d it be like for your job to see your worth, wandered on weekend trips whenever possible to get away from it all, and had this gut feeling that change was coming soon.

And so it has, and I’m embracing all that I can at my own pace.

Ya girl sees two of her favorite bands on her third day in L.A.

I knew coming into 2018, something had to give. Something had to change. After a rough New Years for me, I started to make a list of resolutions and goals I wanted for myself. One of those goals I may or may not have sneakingly put was, “Move to *******.” The asterisks blocked out California, since I’ve kept this idea pretty low key. Writing this down was another way of me putting this concept into the universe. I had been talking about it for a while and back at home it didn’t feel like there was much left for me there. As it grew closer to April, I knew my best shot at getting any traction would be to make more connections at Coachella. It’d be my third time working the festival and pretty much majority of the staff I work with lives in L.A. All it took was one conversation for someone to tell me about an opening that after 3 interviews, is the job I have now. The day I received the call about my job offer, I took a moment to breathe and instantly started crying because it felt like a such a relief. I actually did it. This dream was now a reality.

Settling into this reality has been a challenge, no doubt. I’ve been homesick, at times lonely, and super aware of my surroundings. While I don’t necessarily miss Virginia, I miss being able to see my family and friends on a daily basis. Those who I’ve talked to have comforted me by telling me I got this. That I can handle it all because I’ve gotten this far. As I continue this new chapter, I hope to find my place in a city so large. I hope to keep working towards where I want to be in the music industry. I hope for the best.

Since I’ve been here, I’ve started to explore what I can. I’ve already had two friends visit and it means so much I got to see them as it brings a sense of home. Of course, I’m finding my way into the music scene. Besides managing my own shows at my new venues, I’m starting to track different shows and events I want to go to. There’s still so much to do. From hiking, art museums, to all the basic tourist attractions, I’m going to work my way to see what it’s all about. I saw Paramore perform at The Forum on my third day in L.A., and best believe there were tears during the show. I can talk about them all day, but seeing a band whom I’ve grown up with perform songs that hit me so hard was a moment! Hearing “Hard Times,” “Misguided Ghosts,” “26,” and “Ain’t It Fun,” all have themes that relate to this chapter in my life.

Don’t go crying to your mama
‘Cause you’re on your own in the real world
Ain’t it fun, ain’t it fun
Baby now you’re one of us

Ain’t It Fun“- Paramore

Wow… Hayley Williams was really telling the crowd about my quarter life crisis! My birthday was last week and I couldn’t help but reflect on how much has changed in a short amount of time. Now in my mid 20s, it really makes you think about where you are, what you want, and the people you want to surround yourself with. I try to be present in the now and not to worry too much about the future mainly because my anxiety can’t handle all that right now.

We’ll see in due time how L.A. treats me, but for right now, so far…it’s alright.


Lifestyle Music

Give Yourself A Try

Oh yes, a return?! She is back!

(ya know who else is back? The 1975… but more on them later)

The past few months have been consistently busy for me. Never-ending work, went to California twice within a month, being more social than usual, and just living life has got me caught up. I take things day by day, because it’s easier that way. A surge of creativity has struck me recently and I just have the need to make something.

So here I am, creating this blog post.

I heard a song the other week that has contributed to this need to create. The 1975 is an absolute favorite of mine. Every EP and album they’ve released thus far is so good; simply put. Ironically I haven’t listened to them in well over a year for reasons too sap to write on here. However on June 1, the band released “Give Yourself A Try,” and suddenly the fangirl in me reemerged from hiatus.

Prior to the song being released, the band teased it by posting pictures and then the lyrics. I hastily read the lyrics and just knew this song was it. By “it” I mean I felt as though this song was presented at a time where I needed to hear something like it. The title itself gave me those feelings and then delving into it more, the themes of growing life and trying to believe in yourself were all so true to me.

As summer commences, I want to give myself a try more.

It’s not that I haven’t been, but I want to do more. Focusing on myself, my health, my goals, all of those things have been in the forefront for me for a while now. As a new season and month starts, why not take it as an opportunity for growth? I think these next few months are going to be exciting and a bit nerve wracking for me. I’m working towards a few big changes falling into place and I can’t wait to see where it takes me.


Let’s Try This Again (2017 Recap)

Reality will break your heart

Survival will not be the hardest part

26“- Paramore

Oh what a year 2017 has been. I feel that a significant portion of people have had that exact thought. 2017 was something else. For me, so unexpected. It seems like this year was so much longer than just twelve months. I joked with a friend the other day that 2017 felt like a decade. So many changes happened throughout this year that have me very reflective on it all. The world and time we’re living in is a very interesting place right now. This place… has proved difficult to be in. Whether it’s 45’s monstrosity of an administration, Al Gore’s innanet (yes you read that right) having its net neutrality repealed, the severeness of climate change, black lives still getting killed…IT’S A LOT.

So here’s an attempt to sort out what’s been in my head about how I feel about 2017.

I experienced heaven.

I experienced hell.

In the beginning of the year I had all the optimism in the world. Halfway through that same year, I could barely envision what tomorrow would be like. The vast contrast of these emotions baffles me at times.

I had my share of highs and lows, just like anyone else. However, this year in particular, I experienced a lot and had to learn from it. I learned what it felt like to not have control of my own body and be in some of the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I learned how our minds sometimes “can’t” handle our own reality and it’s hard to deal with. I learned the importance of communication and being vulnerable. I learned how sometimes you have to lose someone, in order to find yourself. The importance of being your true authentic self, without caring what others think. Realizing that life continues on in so many ways. Life is full of moments that range from happy to sad, pleasant and unpleasant, amazing and awful.

Life will still go on even when the people you want to be there in it with you, aren’t…and that’s okay.

Someone told me a couple months ago that I was becoming the Amira they knew I could always be. Just thinking about those words, makes me tear up every time. In the grand scheme of it all, 2017 was a year that I did have to find myself more. That alone took so much work. More work than anticipated.

The changes I had to make were ultimately for the better. At times, I’ll find myself referencing what the “old Amira” would do compared to the “new Amira.” This journey of more self- actualization isn’t just a quick fix. It’s a continuation. There have been weeks where I feel great and there are weeks where I feel down on myself. Somehow though… I keep pushing.  Anxiety and depression really took a toll on me throughout the year and I do my best to not let these things hinder me and continue to take the best care of myself that I can.

I want to say around my birthday in August, when I turned 24, there was a turning point. I feel that as I get older, my perspective on life just changes because…that’s life! The more I become an adult and do “grown” things, I just have to accept things and life as they are. That shift in perspective has been so important in this growth I’ve felt the latter half of 2017.

Progress Growth GIF by Insecure on HBO - Find & Share on GIPHY

Now there were some good times as well throughout the year, I can’t deny that. A few highlights that come to mind were that I:

  • Learned so much about myself, wants, needs, goals, and everything in between.
  • Worked Coachella for the second year in a row! I lost my voice on the first day, danced and sang my heart out to THE Lady Gaga both weekends. I ran after my shift ended to Kendrick Lamar’s set and was yelling the lyrics to “m.A.A.d. city,” while weaving through people to find a spot to watch him perform. I reconnected with old festival buddies and made some new ones.
  • Flew out to California for my birthday and visited my brother and sister-in-law in their new home. I had amazing food, wine and important quality time with the two dogs and one cat in the house.
  • Met one of my *favorite* bands, Paramore, and saw them perform in my city. I held back tears as I frantically explained how much I love them and that they’re a huge inspiration to me (Hayley and I had on matching leather jackets…a true moment).
  • Found out my brother and sister-in-law are expecting which means I’LL BE AN AUNT THIS YEAR. I’m ready to spoil this baby with all the gifts.
  • Received a long awaited raise at work (the music industry is still tough y’all).

do hope and know that 2018 will be better. Things will fall into place and make sense. I feel it so much that change for the good will happen.

There’s a lot I want to accomplish this year, and these first couple weeks of the new year have been composed of me planning it all out. A quick visual of what this has looked like: lots of writing in 3 different journals, writing for the blog, budgeting EVERYTHING, taking frequent breaks to watch 90s music videos, and trying to create something out of all these ideas in my head.

So here’s to a year with less tears, less hurting, less overthinking, more laughing, more dancing, more late night drives blasting music, lots of traveling, expressing my crazy self, and most importantly: more life.

I’m ready for ya.

It’s gonna take a bit of work

“Work”- Charlotte Day Wilson


(shoutout to those who have stuck by my side)